The two years COVID-19 lockdown was unprecedented in the history of mankind.
It changed us and everything in our lives; from the way we care for others, communicate, work at home and at the work place, the way worship at religious places, the way we educate our children, the way we buy things and much more. It forced us to learn how to focus on one day at a time.
At the same time, it left big scars on many of us. We lost many loved ones to this new disease. We were unable to mourn for them and bury them as we traditionally do to get closure.
Among the loved ones I lost was my great friend : Dr. Sarah Namuli Mukasa Yiga, a mother of four and many others who needed mothering wherever she lived and worked.
We had known each other since our secondary school days in the 60s!
She had lived and worked in Apartheid South Africa and then later in the Rainbow Nation born in April 1994.
In the last twenty five years, we were neighbours as she worked in Bloemfontein (Free State province) South Africa while I worked in Botswana. Namuli and I were kindred spirits.
She died in an Intensive Care Unit in Bloemfontein on 12th January 2021, a funeral service was held three weeks later.
Due to the lockdown, I could not be there in person but virtual attendance was arranged for me by my niece, Gladys, through a VPN. General elections were held on the 14th January 2021 and internet access was strictly limited in Uganda.
To numb my pain and heartache, I wrote a befitting tribute to Sarah and posted it on my blog : The lady with an Infectious Smile.
Time moved on. It is now two years and five months and the family feels comfortable enough to return Sarah’s ashes for burial on the 11 th of August 2023 at their ancestral burial grounds near Masaka city, 133 km west of the capital city , Kampala.
This will give us the long awaited closure.
I shall not write another tribute but instead I have compiled some quotes and proverbs about genuine lasting friendship in honour of Sarah ‘s memory.
Truly close friendship does not just happen; the two people involved have to make an emotional and time investment in it.
My late father had several treasured friends for whom he would drop anything to help and they would do the same. Some of them knew him more than he knew himself and could second guess him.
We considered them as relatives until much later in life! Thankfully, this is one trait all of us, his children have inherited from him.
Similarly, Sarah ‘s children always took me as a relative.
For her family had become mine and my own had become hers. I am richly blessed to have a number of such true friends. They bring so much happiness, stability and understanding into my life. Their hearts serve as a deep well of love which I can always draw from as long as I replenish it.
It takes years to create such true friendship. As you get to know each other more, each one opens up to share dreams, hopes and fears and then support each other through it all. As you get to understand each other you build trust and loyalty for one another.
They are all weather friends – sticking around during tough times. They challenge and inspire you to become the best of you
“It’s the friends you call at 4a.m that matter.”- Marlene Dietrich
A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future and accepts you just the way you are.” – Unknown
Psychologists advise us on what to look out for as you identify your real friends.
- Good friends accept you for who you are- strengths and flaws
- Stick around during the good and bad times.
- A real friend celebrates life with you- small and big achievements
- A true friend makes time to see you
- A true friend encourages you to achieve your goals
- A true friend empowers you to be you, does not maim you.
The highest form of friendship is built on mutual recognition of one another’s virtues.
The psychologists also have outlined the forces that form and sustain a friendship.
They include:
Accumulation- over time you open up to each other, listen to each other getting deeply connected as you share moments, celebrate and mourn losses.
Pay attention- to the people around you to find good friends among them.
Be Intentional- put yourself out there and find good friends, make yourself humble and vulnerable. Look for friends of all ages.
Rituals- find routines to cement the friendship, like organising book clubs, dinner or tea parties,
In this digital era, group chats warm up friendships.
You can attend weddings, funerals, children parties together and celebrate important milestones together. This keeps cherished moments etched in our brains.
Imagination- stretch your imagination to keep your friendship alive despite the demands of family, marriage and career. Sarah and I arranged to go for a two-week pilgrimage to Israel in 2011. It turned out to be an unforgettable experience. We were talking of a ship cruise together in the future.
Reconnect- Whether it has taken decades or weeks without meeting in person, have the grace to reconnect and catch up on each other’s life. Reunions with old friends always fills up the gaps.
Video calls, Zoom meetings are doing an incredible job in keeping friends close and connected. I for one feel that nothing beats a physical presence – offering verbal and body language communication.
Some African proverbs about true friendship:
Show me your best friend and I will show you
your character.
Akatono Okalya nemunno: The little food you have is most delicious if shared with a friend.
Honest friendship does not destroy true friendship.
In good times friends know you, in bad times you know them.
The friends of our friends are our friends.
There is no better mirror than a best friend.
Hold a true friend with both hands.
Return to old watering holes for more than water; friends and dreams are there to meet you.
If you choose to make friendship with a pig, you must be prepared roll in the mud.
To be without a friend is to be poor, indeed.
Bad friends will prevent you from having good friends.
Teeth are all friends among each other.
Between true friends, even water drunk together is sweet enough.
Some quotes about True Friendship.
“Your friend is your needs answered. He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving. And is your board and your fireside.”- Kahlil Gibran
Friendship is not a big thing – it’s a million little things.”- Paulo Coelho
“ As I string my pearl necklace of friends, a smooth, round white pearl is a rare find. Whoever finds it, is made happy for life.’’- Jane Nannono
A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.”- Downer Roberts.
Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together.” – Unknown
In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasure. For in the dew of little things, does the heart find its morning and is refreshed.”- Kahlil Gibran
A sweet friendship refreshes the soul. – Proverb 27: 9
True friends are always together in in spirit.”- L.M Montgomery
The best gift anyone can give, I believe, is the gift of sharing themselves.”- Oprah Winfrey
Try and be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.” Maya Angelou
Let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.’’- Kahlil Gibran
Friendship is always sweet responsibility , never an opportunity.’’ – Kahlil Gibran
I belong to the people I love and they belong to me- they, and the love and loyalty I give them , form my identity far more than any word or group ever could.’’– Veronica Roth
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.’’- Martin Luther King, Jr
Sarah Namuli you are greatly missed every single day but we are comforted in knowing that you are one guardian angel whom we know by name.
RIP
QUESTION:
Are there occasions in your life when a friend who is far away seems nearer than the one at hand?
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